Hi Everyone! How are you? I am fine.
Here we are again, a veritable media storm has
erupted with a novelty food at its center. There have been stories in national newspapers
about this weeks subject. People have literally refuse to believe the exist,
like some kind of novelty food fake news! In the words of my Hero, and celebrity
spirit animal, Jonathan Van Ness, can you even imagine?
So, with the interests of my loyal reader(s?) at
heart, I’ve taken the role of the Mueller inquiry and decided to get to the
bottom of this whole sorry debacle. We’re all trying to do the best we can with
what we know*, but is it good enough? Well, I've managed to get my grubby paws on one of these bad boys, so there’s only one way to find out!
*Also a JVN quote.
 |
| Aly Raisman doesn't have a podcast - but she should! |
Taste
This tasted exactly like a standard Twirl, but
orangey. I honestly can’t think of a better way to put it that than, it was chocolate
orange flavour, it twirl form.
Like that do you? When then this is the chocolate
orange snack for you. Don’t like it? Don’t buy it.
I can’t decide if it was more orangey than it
was chocolatey, and in the end, I decided it was a bit of both, and that didn’t
surprise me, because that’s what it was advertised as on the packet. Was I surprised
that I wasn’t surprised? A little bit, but then I’m always learning new things
about myself.*
*Another JVN quote.
Texture
Kristi Yamaguchi stole my heart in 1992 and I
haven’t been the same since*. Cadbury’s chocolate did the same at about the
same time and texture is a big part of the reason why. Let’s face it, you can’t
go wrong with the taste if it’s basically 99% sugar and dairy, but texture is
where you make your money.
That’s where Cadbury beat their main competitors,
and what’s more, they know it.
This didn’t stray too much from that. If it hadn’t
tasted all orangey, I wouldn’t have known it wasn’t just a standard twirl.
 |
| When I'm having a song-in-the-shower moment, i go to 'The Blessed Unrest' by Sara Bareilles |
*Guess who said this before
I said this? That’s right! it’s that man JVN again! What a guy.
Packaging
Regular readers will know I love it when big
brand doing a novelty product keep the aesthetics that made the brand
successful, but make a few tweaks to let you know something special is on the
way.
I don’t think it’s big headed of me to say that they
probably make all new starters at Cadbury read this blog, because they’ve taken
those words to heart. Knowing who you are is Sexy*, Confidence is Sexy*, and this
Chocolate bar knows who it is and who it wants to be GURL! Yas Queen!**
 |
| God, I miss TLC. |
*JVN spittin’ truth bombs
** this one’s mine, but I
assume JVN would have said this at some point. I mean come on, it’s classic
him.
Marketing
Difficult to tell I suppose. Did they have
anything to do with the media campaign that saw the product feature in
publications like The Mero? the S*n? the Mirror? Bristol live?
Probably not to be honest, I don’t think much
happens in Bristol. To be fair though, they’re living their truth and it’s
cute!*.
I’m giving them some ‘benefit of the doubt’
points and moving on.
*JVN strikes again!
Novelty Factor
This is the first time that Twirls have added a
new flavour in it’s 25 year history.
No joke, this is the first time ever! Big news
huh? No, you stupid idiot***, not big news. Making a chocolate thing orange
flavour is so basic it might as well be wearing dungarees.
No matter what newspapers you are in, or what you
do to the packaging, this isn’t novelty enough for my taste. That’s just me, I
had to fight, a lot of years to be really proud of the person I see in the
mirror and really love this person**, and I won’t apologise for my novelty food
views, no matter who they might offend.
***JVN would be so mad
at me for using the ‘I’ word. He’s a big proponent of all love winning and love
just being fab*, so this is not his cup of tea at all.
**JVN said this, but not
about novelty food, and in a different context. I’m not sure he’d agree with
the sentiment I’m expressing here, and Jonathan, if you’re reading, I’m sorry
if that’s the case.
*JVN said this, and I agree
with him. Love is fab.
Final Scores
Taste- 8/10
Texture- 8.5/10
Packaging- 8/10
Marketing- 5/10
Novelty Factor- 1/10
Overall- 29/50
A decent score if below average score, for a
decent, if slightly unimaginative product.
So, to answer my question from the start, is doing your best good enough? Who knows, it’s a big
uncertain world out there everyone, but until next time, please remember- You’re
strong, You’re a Kelly Clarkson Song, You got this!*
*Have a guess who said
this? I’ll give you a clue, his name is three names. Michael Clarke Duncan? Nope.
Trent Alexander Arnold? Nope! Rey Mysterio Junior? Try Again! Ludwig Amadeus
Mozart? Probbaly not, unless he said it in German, It was your friend and mine,
Jonathan Van Ness! Again! What wisdom!
Comments
Post a Comment