How Scottish do you want to be? I mean everyone wants to be a bit Scottish don't they? We're the coolest, you can't get cooler than us, and we know it what's more. Sean Connery, Lulu, Braveheart Sheena Easton, Robert the Bruce.
Yep, Scottish is definitely the thing to be if you're willing to look past perpetual sporting failure, cripplingly poor heart health, sectarian violence and depressingly persistent inclement weather, (and assuming you can't be Irish).
So as this month is #DoddieAid, a month long event supporting the charity founded by history's greatest hero, the magnificent Doddie Weir, the blog is going Scottish.
(More details of how to get involved in #doddieaid at the end of the blog- you can just scroll down if you are a lazy prick can't be bothered with the guff in the middle).
But can a snack be both super Scottish, and novelty? Well, there's only one way to find out!
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| Beige as beige can be, like all great scottish food |
Taste
Hang on, what's that coming over the hill? It's only the ruddy big guns, rolling in like it ain't no thing.
If I was going to name the greatest Scottish inventions of all time, shortbread and iron brew would be high on the list. And before you tell me that the list should really have penicillin, steam power, telephones, cloning, refrigerators and telephones, let me tell you this; I know that, and iron brew is one hundred thousand times better than all of those things, combined and multiplied by fifty.
Do shortbread and iron brew go together? or course they don't! Who wants a fizzy biscuit? No-one! But that's not the point.
Now, maybe the phrase 'fizzy biscuit' is misleading. These aren't actually fizzy, but they taste like they are.
What I mean is that they are so Iron Brew-ey that your expecting bubbles to hit. It's off-putting, and I'm going on record and saying that an off-putting biscuit is no recipe for success.
(Fizzy Biscuit is a great turn of phrase though isn't it? it sounds like a euphemism for something, although I have no idea what. Maybe a testicle?).
Texture
Great. You can't beat the texture of shortbread, no matter how much you try, and this is pretty decent shortbread. Adding some jammy stuff in the middle can only help. Maybe this isn't an original idea from Paterson's, but they've perfected it (texture wise).
Packaging
I mean, it doesn't leave you in any doubt does it. You know what you're getting, because they've actually just put pictures of the product on the box? What else do you want? An invitation?
The packaging is absolutely 100% fine. Well done Paterson's
None, zilch, zero, nada. I don't know why I bother with this section.
There was an article in the Scottish Sun in November 2020. That's not an advert though.
Novelty Factor
Superb. Have you seen anything like this before? Biscuits with jam in the middle isn't new, but Iron Brew jam isn't a thing, and there's a theme to the novelty- unhealthy Scottish food, and as far as novelty goes, it doesn't get any more on brand for me. Super.
Final Scores
Texture- 8.5/10
Packaging- 6/10
Marketing-1/10
Novelty Factor-9/10
Overall- 30.5/50 a decent score, and an impressively novelty food. I will overlook almost any defect for novelty of this quality.
I can't help but thing the phrase 'fizzy biscuits' is the best thing to come out of this blog, possibly ever. I enjoyed these, but the scoring is seriously hampered by their inability to put any effort at all in to improving their image with the rest of the world, and in the end, isn't that the most Scottish thing of all?
If you like this blog, and Scottish things, please consider supporting the MyName5Doddie foundation, by joining in with #DoddieAid, you can donate and find out more here https://www.myname5doddie.co.uk/, and it's worth doing if only so you can get a snood and look as cool as me!
And if you have any suggestions for what 'Fizzy Biscuits' can realistically be a euphemism for, please hit me up!
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